still down.

can't believe i fell for it.

my new friend is leaving this city forever
in a couple of weeks.
terrible.
terrible.

i would like for her to change her mind.

(i really needed that today,.. some more tomorrow)

what a day!

i just got off the phone with a debt
consolidation corporation.. i will be
free of debt before i even get out
of college.

when i called my mom to tell her that,
she had even more good news.
she has to get rid of her grand prix..
it is now mine.

in other news;
kayta made me a wonderful mix cd. no
one's ever made me one before.
she put alot of time and thought into
it, and that makes me feel good.
speaking of kayta, i believe it's time
for coffee.

Date:	2005-09-27 05:58
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

yeah,
sleep is hard to find when
beauty and the beast exists on
Normal ave. in buffalo.

i can't believe she lets him touch her.

how can you keep a girl when you
weren't allowed to show her affection
14 out of the 24 hours in a day.
that's how much he was around.(sometimes more) and i
couldn't even put my hand on her face, because
he was around and it would hurt him... how
can feelings continue if you're forced
to act like friends.

happiness will come if i ever have the
chance to spit on his grave.

dear sleep,
can you come over tonight?? i'm tired, and i miss you.

dear appetite,
i don't even know why you left me. but i need you back.
i don't seem to like anything..

dear coffee,
you're a good friend n' all, but i think sleep is
afraid of you.

dear cigarettes,
god i love and hate you so.

dear rachelyn,
what the hell were (are) you thinking?

comin' back to this thing, i guess.

tomorrow might make or break me.
we'll see.
i might have to say goodbye to the most imortant
human being to me.
we'll see.

i had seriously forgotten about this thing.

........and i know why.

i woke up this morning feelin' like a million bucks.
strangely, i was'nt exhausted.
the walk to work did'nt feel like 10 degrees.
and they actually plowed the sidewalks.

along the way in i realized how selfish i've been in regards
to a certain situation.
i've been so 'whoa is me', and 'why? why? why?'.
that's not how i'm needed... now, nor ever.

at work i over-heard and old lady mutter 'oh blast'
under her breath.
i cheered a bit, inside... it was silly.
i think she knew that i had noticed... and i remembered how
it feels to get busted for talking to yourself by a complete stranger.
yeah, it happens to everyone (i hope)
i never know what to do ..i think to myself: 'should i just start singin' a little?' something that sounds like what i said to myself? but that would make me seem
crazier.

in the last 2 weeks i've been invited to 2 dinner parties.
dinner parties.... am i that old?
it was a lovely lady that visited me at work today that invited me
to her new apartment for a dinner party.
i think i fancy her...... eyes. they're like two crystals, i suppose.
but i prolly just think she's hot.

or maybe i'm just being overly romantic, as i just saw the notebook for the first
time.. can i just say that my heart burst? holy crap! intense... intense.
i merely pretended to believe the hype. but then i saw it, and i'm a believer.
"i'll come back to you." dear god. see this movie. especially if you're a guy.



they really turned the intensity up to 11. like fuckin' freedom rock, man.

i don't know what i think.
i'm unsure that i could or could'nt care
less or more 'bout everyone i do or don't know.

yeah,.. wow.
awesome.

wow.
6 months since my last entry.
i guess i just don't need this thing.


but i'll keep her.

so yeah.
strange summer.. drank it away, got
my hopes
up.. don't usually do that, but i
thought i could'nt lose.
but i did! ha! ah well..
what can you do, ya know?
then i drank 'til fall.


then i had a strange fall.
i lied to myself, and drank til now.
i'm a dork. i'm at my moms right now.
gonna open presents in the morn'.

or hand them to my nieces.
i should open their presents.

see ya in six months

Date:	2004-06-26 12:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	the smiths

yeah, i'll be spending alot of time at my parents, as they are away on vacation.
but i also have to spend alot of time moving.
and a ridiculous amount of time in a video store.

i feel strange, or a little down.
i need to be more careful.
i need my appatite back.. it's been weeks.
i need to crawl out of bed as soon as i wake up.

past couple days i thaught i was over thinking, but
i was only over drinking.
sometimes, i get excited about unrealistic things.

st. kathryn drove me home from the bar last night,
and that's all that i remember. that, and the
fact that i was way over dressed for that bar.
i also remember our mutual love for virginians.
listened to some good jams, and *poof* i was waking up
in my room. how did i get from kates car to my room?
was i caried? did i jump?
how do i ever find my bed?

i think somebody kicked the feet out from underneath
my focus. i can't stop thinking about other things,
and i do bad at work, and i lose track of time, and everyone that talks to me sounds just like
charlie brown's teacher.

crap.

Date:	2004-06-18 07:34
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	the album leaf

went out last night.. it was a nice friday.
Holly and I and her friend jenny wombat went
to a rockabilly/bluegrass show at mohawk.
it was good fun. wanted to stop into the pink
afterwards, but it went all the way until
10 to 4.

drinking so much lately has only made me feel worse.
like.. i'm totally fine.. but, i'm not when i'm drunk.
such an idiot.

What kind of disease are you? theexplodingboy:
theexplodingboy is caused by sponges.	theexplodingboy disease causes one's skin to be covered with small japanese children. To cure theexplodingboy, wear a hat made of hamsters whenever you leave your home.
Name?

Date:	2004-06-17 08:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	matthew pond.

wow.. too much drinkin' last night.
i made a post when i got home.. read it this morning,
and had no clue what i was talking about.
still don't.

this is tough.

i just had a staring contest, and lost.

o, bloody hell.

theexplodingboy's LJ stalker is shoot_2_kill!

shoot_2_kill is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also not very liked around here!

Date:	2004-06-14 10:46
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed
Music:	matt pond PA

god, i feel sick.